Take a little bit of single, add a touch of desperation and throw in a Latino accent and you’ve got next season’s The Bachelor on ABC.
If you have seen the promos for the show starting in Juan-uary — seriously, that’s what they’ve dubbed it — you will know Juan Pablo Galavis meets 27 equally desperate single females (usually it is only 25 but apparently there was high demand to meet him) as he narrows down the pack to ultimately find his partner… for a few months after the show.
If you know the track record from this franchise, you know the odds are already against Galavis and whoever he might end up with.
Why am I already writing about this with the season premiere still a few weeks away? Because I sat through the painful first episode and can report on what you will see. (Media types get what is called a screener and we review the show in the hopes of telling you all how exciting it is and attempting to get you to tune in.)
Host Chris Harrison describes Galavis by saying, “Television viewers…fell in love with him and not only because he’s a hunky soccer player and has an accent that makes everything seem just a little more romantic,” but dubbed him the most popular past contestant ever since Galavis has the single-dad charm.
That is made very clear in the first few gushy minutes of the show — not before we see him doing a shirtless photo shoot where he plays with a rose and taps it around his navel, of course. As Galavis is frolics with his four-year-old daughter — and much of that is subtitled since they aren’t speaking English — he is joined by former Bachelor Sean Lowe.
The daughter is ditched and the guy talk begins. What’s Lowe’s advice?
“At all costs, make sure if you kiss someone, the other girls don’t see,” said Lowe. “I want you to avoid the mistakes that I made.” That’s deep.
After the bro hug, Lowe and Galavis part ways and Galavis narrates his thoughts before meeting the soon-to-be-drunk-criers during the customary bathroom shots where he is shaving and soaping up his stomach in the shower and then gets dressed in a suit to stand at the always-watered-down driveway of the rental mansion where drinks are poured and hearts are broken.
So what single ladies are hoping (for fame and) to be the Latin lover’s temporary squeeze? Next week I give you the run down of the 27 party girls determined to be the Juan. I mean, one. Argh.